Washington, DC - President Bush learned today that gas is now averaging $3.50 per gallon across the country. Even more surprisingly, the President also learned that gasoline was essential for powering motor vehicles. "I always wondered how all them cars and big ol' trucks ran." When asked by a reporter about what policies, if any, he had in mind to help contain the cost of oil, the President questioned "what does the price of oil have to do with gasoline? I'm not following your questions."
White House Press Secretary, Dana Perino then interrupted the President and apologized to the crowd of reporters and explained that Mr. Bush has been busy with foreign affairs, and that he had a momentary lapse of judgment. "You have to understand, the President hasn't had to pump gas in almost 8 years. It's perfectly reasonable that one would forget the mechanics of the process after so much time away." Perino then went on to explain "Mr. Bush has been actively trying to reach agreements with many foreign nations to help increase the supply of crude oil, which in turn should help drive down prices on gasoline and other petroleum based products."
Reporters at the press conference had a field day with this statement. "I couldn't believe what I was hearing", says Daniel Patrick of the Iowa Times. "How could he be that out of touch with the economy? This is basic stuff, he should know these things." Robin Humphrey, a student reporter from Iowa State University disagreed. "Like, I can understand where he could totally make a mistake like that. I mean, really, how many people know that gas comes from oil? I didn't. But now I do. Yay for me!"
The President did acknowledge that Americans should begin conserving our resources, however he did stop short in asking us all to be green. "Not everyone is Irish. There are lot's of them here in America, and they can be green if they want. That's perfectly fine. The rest of you don't have to be if you don't want to be. Unless it's St. Patrick's Day. Then you should be green."